45 and Alive

“As long as you can still grab a breath, you fight.  You breathe…keep breathing” The Revenant

A year has gone by since my initial diagnosis. After several tests and seeing 2 cardiologists and two heart surgeons, this is what I know. I have an aortic aneurysm at the base of the heart. Due to the aneurysm, my heart regurgitates. Doctors don’t feel that my heart valve is bad, but the aneurysm is a concern. The aneurysm has not reached a point where medically it needs to be fixed, and the likelihood of my aorta disengaging is low. The risk of having surgery to repair it is actually higher than having a “wait & watch” approach at this time; however, this will change and I’ll need surgery. Take that information in for a moment.

Everyday

The mind is powerful and it can get out of control if you don’t find something to live for. Something to look forward to. Something to hold on to. Everyday I wake up and lay in my bed for 10 minutes and I’m thankful for the little things in life. I’m thankful for waking up. Thankful that my heart never stopped beating while I was asleep and that my lungs kept me breathing. I’m thankful that I’m going to walk into the bathroom and bathe myself and brush my own hair. I’m thankful for my family, and this keeps me fighting.

I’m learning to listen to my body. Sometimes I have different “symptoms” around my heart that make me stop and think. Is it time? Am I leaving? The more I think about it, the more pain I have around my heart. I stop and sit down and close my eyes to calm myself down. This happens daily and my mind goes to the worst outcome. My doctors would check my heart with an EKG and echocardiogram and the results were the same. It’s not time!! “Take it easy” they would tell me. This is everyday and it’s an everyday challenge for me.

In the moment

If not for fear, what amazing things would you be doing with your life?  So what if today is the day?  What have I accomplished?  How would I be remembered? Have I achieved all my personal goals? Have I made a difference in my kids’ lives? Sometimes it takes a dramatic event to realize that we’re immortal. Death will come to all and tomorrow is not promised to any one of us. Before my diagnosis, I lived for tomorrow and didn’t pay attention to today. I lived knowing that it would happen someday but not today. How could it? Right? So, with the help of my wife, I started to live in the moment. Here’s what I mean. Today, right know is all we have. I’m learning that every moment is special and right now it’s all we have guaranteed. What’s important is to live in today and in the moment. To listen closely, to make eye contact, to love deeper, to never quit on your kids. To tell them you love them everyday because everyday is special. I try not to say “someday I will do that”; instead, I’m going to do that today. To care for others and do little acts of kindness even if they never respond in kind. To BELIEVE deeper. When I drive past a cemetery, I wonder how many dreams died with them. I’m choosing to live for today. What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to be remembered?

Last one

I’m thankful for all the calls, texts and emails from people across the nation and the world that’ve reached out to me and thanked me for my blogs. It’s created awareness and that was my goal. I’m also energized and motivated for those who are fighting the good fight to live another day. I’ve learned that we are all struggling some way or another. We’re all in this together. Last year, I’ve lost friends and family. Life goes on! This is my last blog about my condition. I want to write a book and go around the world and tell others about my life experiences. I wanna live in the moment. Dear friends, live in the moment because – it’s the only precious guarantee you have in life. Until next time! Your friend! Frankz